Bullying In School
83The Nature of Bullying
The school years, kindergarten through the twelfth grade, are the years our youth develop physically, socially, emotionally, and academically. Think about it, this is an intense learning period where we expect our children to acquire the tools to become responsible, successful, and happy adults.
Unfortunately, at times there are stumbling blocks to overcome during this learning period. The most publicized one of late, is the act of bullying. The most common perception of bullying in the past, was that it was simply a normal part of growing up. However, as we will see, any behavior that harms another physically, emotionally, or developmentally is not not normal behavior. Let's define bullying.
Bullying is abusive behavior aimed at intimidating and manipulating through the use of physical violence. It also entails the spreading of malicious rumors and gossip to emotionally harm another person.
Victims of bullying are in a constant state of fear, regarding their well being. Generally the forms of bullying we see in school age children are physical,psychological, and verbal(or cyber). Bullying can start as early as the pre-school years, so agressive behavior should be monitored as early as possible.
Physical bullying includes hitting, pushing, choking, and kicking with the intent to do harm. Psychological bullying consists of exclusion and ostracizing an individual. Verbal or Cyber bullying includes the use of the internet and cell phones, through texting and e-mail to tease, taunt, threaten, and intimidate. Girls generally use verbal or cyber bullying.
The Bully
Children that bully are manipulative and see violence and intimidation as a means to achieve their desires.They look for weaknesses in their victims and don't have empathy for others. They have dominating personalities, most often making them the leader of the pack. They are often bigger and stronger than the victims.
These children come from homes where discipline is physical in nature, coupled with loud vocal discourse. These homes offer very little warmth or attention. Oftentimes these young people have been bullied at some point in time.
The Victim
Victims of bullying are quiet, shy, sensitive individuals. They are harassed by their peers because they are perceived to be different. This misguided perception can be caused by anything from race or religion to body shape and weight.
Those seeking negative attention are also victimized. They may have irritating or annoying ways. At any rate, they are passive and not physically aggressive, making them attractive prey for the bully.
Repercussions
The victimized, may become withdrawn from family and friends, lose interest in school and/or develop depression, short term. Long term, social, academic, and emotional growth may be inhibited. The most serious circumstance, is a young person contemplating and acting on the thought of suicide. This is a real possibility.
The bully validates a violent lifestyle and later becomes an aggressive adult. Approximately twenty-five per cent of bullies, acquire a criminal record by the time they are between 25 and 30 years of age. Many bullies also, contemplate suicide.
Get Pro-Active
A few things that we as adults can and should do are:
1) Make school systems accountable for getting the training required to deal with bullying. There is a lot training available for school staffs out there.
2) Be involved with your school system and get to know your child's teacher(s).
3) Talk to your children, listen to their opinions, and build trust, which will encourage them to confide in you.
4) Pay attention to your child's demeanor, check any unfamiliar signals he/she may be sending.
5) Stress self respect as well as respect for others.
Suggested websites:
www.safeyouth.org -educates about electronic aggression.
www.kidshealth.org - 3 areas for kids, teens, and parents. Lots of good info.
www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov - advice for youths and adults.
www.familyinternet.about.com -family oriented computer site.
www.pacerkidsagainstbullying.org -for kids, teens, and parents.
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Insightful and informative. Bullying is fast becoming one of the primary reasons as to why students do not take full advantage of the educationanal system and excel. Students feel intimidated and believe that no one cares; building trust, fostering relationships, and active parents are key to a child's success. Schools are becoming a little more proactive, but I hope character education, to include bullying becomes embedded in the school curriculum. Hopefully, students will realize the consequences of their actions...thanks for the info and the websites; extremely helpful.
Thanks for comments.
Thank you, the issue must be addressed.
I think schools should do more to prevent bullying - here in the UK bullying is rife and the teachers simply ignore it.
You are right, I think many teachers now are afraid of students. When I was growing up(I am 61), no teachers were afraid of the students and they had parental support. It's a different world now.
Hi, I think BeBrown is so right, when I was at school I was really bullied for years, but it wasn't so violent as it is now. They should bring back the old school ways of dealing with the bullies. interesting hub. thanks nell
Thank you Nell Rose, I think we could do with some old school upbringing.
Oh yes, I do remember the bullying, which can be a huge and overwhelming problem for those affected. One precaution is to make sure the bully pays a price, then he/she will hopefully move on to other targets. But that option isn’t available to everyone. In the end someone will be victimized, then authorities need to step in. An interesting hub on an important subject.
Thank you, and people usually reap what they sow, in the end.
I have several teacher friends/family and yes, they are afraid of the students. They're afraid of the parents. Bullies grew up and made babies because discipline went away.
Yes, Shadesbreath, there was a time when parents expected children to be disciplined as well as to respect adults and authority.
So does it ever change? Does some calamity have to happen to shake us up? Is it the waning influence of religion? The waxing influence of over-legislating parenting and safety? Something else?
The sad thing is that some parents and children are experiencing calamities now. Children are committing suicide and parents are faced with the loss of youngsters who should be enjoying youthful childhood.
So many people view bullying as a normal part of growing up. If you are on the recieving end, I imagine life can be pretty miserable.
The questions you pose, encompass basically what's wrong and where we are headed. The government seems to feel the need to reach into every corner and crevice of our lives. They are doing a bad job of it.
Yeah, you can count on government to do a bad job of most things.
One of the problems that children or adults who are bullied suffer from is the fear that by doing something they will make the situation worse. The opposite is often true. Unfortunately there are people in schools and work places who percieve being 'nice' to others as a weakness. It would be nice to live in a world where no one was bullied but that does not seem likely, but maybe one day. Thanks for writing about such an important issue.
Thanks for dropping by, and you are right. Wouldn't it be nice if every person could be him/herself without fear.
Bullying cost me all my childhood school memories .. Well i wasn't bullied exactly but i was mocked all the time so i kept every one at arms length and only thing on my mind was to get to home asap...
So i would say kill all the bullies and then nuke their bodies..... hehehehhe heheh evil laugh...
Thanks for the comment. I would call what you experienced bullying. To suffer emotionally from someone else's bad behavior toward's you is definitely bullying.
I can understand your feelings, since I believe each and every adult should be able to look back on his or her childhood and remember how much fun and enjoyment they experienced.
I was Bullied during early Comprehensive school for being quiet, Bully is something we often encounter during our lives and learn to act upon
You are right and it's surprising how many people have been bullied during the course of thei lives.
I agree completely with your hub. Recently I wrote a piece on another site about the same issue and come to the same conclusions.
Both the perpetrator and victim need extensive counseling. I'm sick to death of the "it's part of growing up excuse", too many adults use this patent excuse in an effort dodge the real problem.
There is something hideously wrong with a person that gets off preying on the weak. Shows very corrupt character and morals.
Children are very adapt at changing personalities between home and school, I know I was a champion chameleon. Educators are not cops nor babysitters, but are to provide a safe environment for our young. We need ZERO tolerance, both sides need to be pulled in with parents in attendance.
Sorry to blather on . .but this is a very serious deadly issue. Excellent hub and subject matter, rated up and shared.
I agree that this issue is more serious than many people are willing to admit. You're 100% right when you say that kids change between home and school. I am guilty as well. Kids are a prime example of being given an inch and taking a mile.
Bullying in school or even in work is a terrible thing. It needs to be stopped. The only way is to report the bullies but children who are bullied are usually too scared because they think the results of this may be worse than what they are experiencing.
Another place where bullying takes place is in the forces. Some of the things that are done to recruits are horrendous and are criminal and the perpertrators should be prosecuted in my opinion.
Wherever bullying occurs it is the same, whatever the age of those concerned.
This is a good hub. As with many hubs on these pages, it could contribute to a long debate. I can easily imagine debating with hubbers.
You are right, no matter what it is called bullying is bullying. Often people try to cover up bad behavior by saying it is just a little fun. The problem is that the victim is not having fun. Thanks for the comment.
Great Hub and I like the Tips you gave at the end, particularly no 3. No matter how busy we are, we must take time to communicate and really listen to our kids.
Best Wishes.
Thank you for the comment.
That is all fine and good except for the FACT that there is NO SUCH THING AS BULLYING... It doesnt EXIST... If someone is taking advantage of you in any way it is SOLELY YOUR fault and your parents fault for NOT instilling any intestinal fortitude and self confidence in you. This is a made up excuse by this xbox wielding useless generation of complete pussies... This is reason ONE BILLION why EVERY child in America should be raised by Bobby Knight George Patton and Clint Eastwood.. If this would happen we would have ZERO problems with anything
That is your opinion, but there are many who would disagree.
I do hope TheRealDeal was being sarcastic! If not, I pity him. He sounds sick.
I often found a bully to be short. Perhaps he was trying to prove he was just as masculine as the tall guy. Please don't misread me. I am NOT saying all short guys were bullies.
mysterlady 89, I know what you mean. It seems just about any bully has a problem with masculinity. Thanks for reading and for the comment.
mquee, this is a very hard topic, Bullies get away with a lot, because of the way they hold power over the ones they are bullying.
It is so wrong, as you say it causes so many problems in the one that is bullied and has so many other effects on them for the rest of their lives. A very important hub...we all have to do what we can when we here of these incidents...
Thank you for reading and for the comment, Eileen. There just seems to be so many needless problems that we ourselves create as humans.
mquee,
I was once a part of the education sector. I know how bullies in the classroom are dealt with according to their needs. The school guidance program works hand in hand with parents and the child's teacher. But bullying isn't totally erased, wherever children are in company with their peers, during recitation, at work, at play.
Family relationship is often the root cause of a child acting way beyond expectations. Home visits by teachers would reveal the child's sad plight- of wanting to be recognized, but failed due to parental quarrels, a broken family, extreme poverty, lesser quality time with children by parents, etc. His new-found desire to be recognized is turned to his weaker peers- hence the bully he becomes. Bullies need help!
Thank you for this comment. I am pleased that an educator who has worked with children commented, giving us a little better understanding of this behavior.
Really great piece. I experienced bullying in junior high, none of the teachers helped. In fact, it is the reason I am terrified of giving public speeches even till this day. It was a hard time, but I have to admit that I was lucky in the sense that there was no social media to hound me at home too, not like today. I think bullying should never be tolerated. From studies it shows bullies develop from home troubles, in that case, the parents should be held accountable too.
It is sad to see that this type of behavior still continues in this day and age. Bullies often learn this type behavior from parents in one way or another and the school system often ignore or accept this abusive behavior as normal. Thank you for the comment.
a very nice hub that spells the true and disappointing problem in schools in many parts of the world. every parent, teacher, and child should be made aware that there are people willing to help not just the bullied, but also the bullies (they have underlying problems after all).
Thank you for reading and taking time to comment. This is a world wide problem that impacts so many young people. Each and every child deserves the opportunity to live in peace and enjoyment of youth.
mquee, i have good news to share! the anti-bullying act of 2010 is being passed as a house bill in the philippines! yey! bullying was not really considered a big problem here, but now people have started to see it as one of the problems in schools. :)
That is great news, hopefully children can go and come in school and live without a threat of harm over them. That is a thumbs up for the Philippines.
Bullying is a sad commentary on their upbringing. I have always felt that, if we took the time to impart the right values and beliefs to our children and took care to apply these values to our lives, our children would take the cue from there and behave in a worthy manner. How many parents today know what their children do?? This is an important issue today and thanks for sharing.
Thank you for commenting. You are right many parents don't always know what their children are doing. Often even those that do know are in denial about some behaviors.
Great Hub on a very important subject.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. You are right, this is a very important subject. Too many young people and live through a horrifying childhood.
Yes, I concur with you. I was a quiet, smart, sensitive child. I was picked up because I was quiet, a teacher's pet, and an A student. However, I outsucceeded the bullies. The bullies who picked on me ended up very badly-in menial, dead end jobs. You are correct-many bullies grow up in abusive homes. There was one bully who was a foster child whose mother regularly beat her.
Thank you for reading and for the comment. We often know the reasons for bullying and as adults we look back on those experiences. I am glad you came through this experience successfully. As you know this is not always the case. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for reading and providing some helpful information for parents that have young children.
Hub up. Great writing. I totally agree that bullying in school should not be tolerate ever.
Thanks for stopping by and for the comment as well.
Unfortunately ours has become a no fault society. My personal recommendation to handle a bully is to catch them off guard and nail them. You may get beat up but if you persistantly fight back the bully will leave you alone and go for easier pickings. Those in authority including many parents have become fearfull of taking action because the child may accuse them of "wrongfully touching" or some other baloney. It is healthy to learn to stand up for what's right. Too little of that today. BTW - ignore
I agree and the sad thing is these bullies are savvy about their personal rights, while abusing others. Thanks for reading and for the comment.
I have to agree with hubpageswriter, he said it perfectly, BULLYING should never be tolerated, and I am shocked at the gentleman????? that disregarded any validation that this exists.
The truth lies in his comment beautifully, an absolute BULLY no doubt, sorry can't help but laughing ay you but your even doing it now LMAO and believe me also have proven your NOT therealdeal, so don't comment, your ridiculous and this subject is very real and most definitely needs to be addressed, sooner and aggressively ie; what will have to be part of the schools is consequences, clearly communicated if this behavior takes place.
thank you mquee, and I am going to share this all throughout my sites [and there are quite a few
Great Job
Ignore any bully's that make comments- I know it was 2 months ago and you know this but stil.........
Happy Hubbing, I love the work!
Cheers Kimberly
Thanks again Kimberly, I take this subject very seriously. It has not been a problem for me, but it has been for people that I care about. Saying it has not been a problem for me is not quite right, because it is a problem for all of us in some way, shape, or form. I appreciate your comment very much.
mquee bravo btw your doing something about it, and you many never know, or even see but you have helped someone, this I believe completely, your efforts are an indication of your compassion, a trait to be very proud of. we Thank You
NOW STOP IT WITH THE DANG TWO COMMENT CAPSULES, I GET TOO CONFUSED
LOL
LOL, Kimberly this was my second hub and I wasn't really paying attention to detail. Thanks for the encouraging comments.
Great hub and well written :) Bullying exists and has existed for many years. I was out for it myself when I started school, but I was strong enough to ignore it. Many are not as strong. For a few years ago I worked with helping to prevent bullying and drugs in schools. I had contact with many students and some of them was a support person for. One thing I also saw was that teachers bullied students who were not sufficiently skilled. A girl that I often had contact with were also bullied at home of their parents. They thought that her friends at school had their reasons to bully and said that children must learn the hard way. This made me so angry.. the parents were notified. Before the decision was taken on notice, the girl had taken her life. Bullying in schools must stop, and there are ways to go to help stop it. Unfortunately, even adults are bullied, maybe adults who have already suffered in his youth out of bullying and then be seen as an easy target to bully. Many times you have to begin to take hold of the person who bullies, to determine why the person acts in such a horrible way. Sorry for my bad English.
I commend you for taking the opportunity to help others in this situation. People who are victimized are often the ones being blamed for being on the recieving end of this behavior.
Aside from being morally wrong, it is illegal to harass,physically abuse/threaten, or stalk another person. Thank you for an interesting and informative comment.
Hi Mquee,
Teach a person to fish and you will feed them for a life time. if you give a man a fish you feed him for a day.
Taking action,is key to positive change, change the way you think about things that happen to you. you are in full control over how you will let stuff do to you. yes you can choose not to let a Bully control how it is you feel about yourself you can refuse to let them into your head. say stop! out loud. A strong audible noisy its OK to be obtrusive when under attacked by a bully. The very best way to deal with a bully is for you to just stop the suffering in silence. You can take the spot light off you and shine it on them, keep on telling your story about what the bully's have done to you and your family. There are still people out there who care and will listen to you. Never ever give up.
Then the bully will go for easier targets. Some in authority do look the other way, when they know the bullying is taking place. Most parents have become fearful of the harm that will be done to a child unless the bullying is made to stop. The sad thing is these bullies love abusing others by picking on them.
The people who like to bully by being too critical of others. The bully finds joy in magnifying the faults of other people, by getting others to all start picking on “the one person...by bullying them” this too is a real serious offense-- offend leading to loss of life. sometime it is the bully who is the one who is put down. Matthew 7:1-29
Nice hub Thanks.
Thank you for a comment that hit many good points. It is odd that even at my age and being on the same job for 26 years that bullying in the workplace is alive and well.
People of all ages can be victims if care is not taken. It seems that bullying in the workplace is done more or at least as much by committee, as by individuals.
Thank you for sharing your view.
I really liked your hub. I wonder what the parents of the kid who is doing the bullying are thinking and why they don't do something or acknowledge that there is a problem?
You are right because often these parents could prevent some of these acts. The sad thing is that many parents are in denial about the possibilty of their children doing anything wrong. Thank you for reading.
There are two things I disagree with in this article. The description of the bully and the victim are quite narrow and rely on stereotypes. Newer research on bullying behaviors reveal that bullies are over-confident and lack empathy, view the world as something they control and own. Bullies main source of this view of their right to control and manipulate their surroundings rely on social power: either a network that supports/follow them or a social environment that tolerates or accepts what they do as normal. Since they are manipulators, adults can also fall into their support network. Victims can be confident or not. Depending on what support the victim has determines their resiliency, adaptability and basic survival of the bullying socialization process.
You are welcome to disagree. This is an ever changing world and future research on bullying and in other areas will continue to change. From one narrow view to another, bullies exist and people deal with them in many ways.
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D.M.Queener 2 years ago
Very well written and informative. Bullying is a common fast growing problem that needs to be addressed. I have read some very disturbing things in the news that are the result of bullying and it seems to get worse each day